Spinster Fashion: Or, a What-To-Wear for the Discerning Singleton
Because The Doctor's brown pinstripes are a thousand times cooler than anything that a top-tier contemporary designer could fling at you and expect to stick.
Inspiration #1: The Tenth Doctor (Second Series)
And speaking of David Tennant's most famous alter-ego, let's take a closer look at his signature apparel. (I've whited-out his head in the picture opposite so you can cut and paste in your own face in order to better contemplate the full effect. Click and open in a separate window - it's hugely hi-res, I promise.) The Doctor's characteristic brown pinstripe suit, with a trifle of a retro cut to it, lends him a look that is scholarly, slightly rumpled (not crisp) and almost asexual, and thus can be easily and quite cheerfully assimilated by the average Spinster in her daily life. (And if you don't believe that this suit can be tailored for just about anybody, you need to watch the Vicar of Dibley finale post-haste.)
I'd recommend a slimmer cut through the hips and thighs, tapering out into an ever-so-slightly wide leg - being more flattering for the female figure, natch. If you really want to polish off the look, however, you need a pale blue (not white) Oxford underneath, proper plimsolls (I've never seen these in the wild but have heard other fans compare them to Converses), and, of course, a hamster pile trench coat. Nerdy glasses are also helpful. (Alternately, you can always go for black leather à la the Ninth Doctor, but if you're going to emulate Christopher Eccleston, you'd be better employed going for the wind-whipped hair and black feathers, with a dash of liquid liner for good measure.)
Inspiration #2: Rose Tyler (Second Series)
If you're not the sort who gets a kick out of looking a bit dusty and academic (and if so: what the devil are you doing here with us???), there's the infinitely more accessible option of emulating Rose. There's something exquisitely wholesome about her, despite Billie Piper's vampish sex appeal (of a degree that leaves men slack-jawed and slavering); Rose's look is fresh, unsullied, and adorable - despite or perhaps even because of those huge dark eyes, played up to perfection with thick black liner that, again, should give her a vamp edge but instead accents that greatest feature in the most innocent manner possible.
Inspiration #3: Streetwise Macbeth (a la McAvoy)
And speaking of attractive Scotsmen, if you're seeking an edgier, streetwise look for the cooler months, why not consider borrowing a bit of James McAvoy's style as Macbeth? No, I'm not talking about his chef's get-up, sexy though it is on him; rather, that irresistible combination of dark shaggy hair falling about the eyes, black leather trousers (or the closest you can manage; none of use have as great - or more correctly, as diminutive - a backside as James for such a garment!), and, of course, a slim jacket cut à la militaire with a stand-up collar, brass buttons and maybe even some epaulets. In lieu of the leather trousers, consider pairing the jacket with a plaid and textured stockings of some sort - or any of those dark denim separates for which Bisou Bisou is famous. Very sharp and stylish for the especially metropolitan amongst us!
Inspiration #4: Transformers
Finally, for those of you (like Your Editor) who were a little slow on the uptake when Transformers first hit the theatres, get out there now and nab yourself some officially licensed apparel! Classic (i.e., animated) is okay but new is much, much cooler. You can't find any in the ladies' department? No problem - go peruse the boys' section. You'd be amazed at what bust size a boys' XL will fit - and for a fraction of what they want for a much less thrilling design at Hot Topic. I picked up a snuggly long-sleeve tee with a glittery screen-print and holographic Bumblebee for about $6.00 at Wal-Mart - and it's perfect for layering under my work polo. (Ah, the irony...!) Don't let the opposite sex monopolize the coolest action heroes ever to come out of Japan! Remember: we were playing with Soundwave and all his little cassette-bot buddies when Shia LaBoeuf was still using a sippy cup.
DIY: Fishnet Sleeves!
And now for something completely different (that I hope to make a recurring theme in future issues): the DIY portion of Spinster Fashion! Our theme this month - either hopelessly after the fact or cleverly forward-thinking, depending on your perspective - relates to Harry Potter and the best way to make a spectacle at the cinema (or the club, or your next work party). Granted, most Potter stuff peaked and plummeted last summer, but if you managed to track down a Slytherin corset for the opening of OotP (oh wait, that's just me), it wouldn't be wholly inappropriate to wear it again, and soon - you just gotta have the right accessories, which I'm here to tell you how to make. 
You will need:
- One pair of ridiculously expensive and abhorrently poor-fitting fishnet tights. (You know the type. If you're like me, you have two pairs in your Goodwill box that you bought for a song with the best of intentions and gave up on after one wearing turned you into a cased sausage. If you don't have ‘em; buy ‘em on clearance.)
- A sharp pair of scissors
- An obliging older sister or female friend who won't mock you later
- While your assistant is getting a soda, cut out the crotch panel from the tights. No, I'm not kidding. (And I'm a Spinster, loves, so you needn't fear that I'm suggesting something dodgy.)
- With the help of your assistant, who is laughing hysterically at the realization of what you're about to do, put the tights on - as a shirt. This means arms go in the legs and your head fits through the hole you cut in step one. If the neck hole is too snug, have your assistant snip a couple of strategic threads to widen the neckline but retain the snug fit.
- Also with the help of your assistant, distribute (i.e., stretch) the leg material to cover your arms like sleeves. If the legs have feet - lucky you! - have your assistant snip a few more strategic threads to form gothic fingerholes in the feet (maybe one for the pinky, one for the three middle fingers, and one for the thumb - see the picture opposite).
- With the help of your assistant, snip off and save the waistband. These are usually textured and make great little headbands for slough-around-the-house day - and if you dress ‘em up a bit, you can wear ‘em anywhere! (I wrote "I *heart* Tom Riddle" on mine with glittery green nail polish and have nearly worn it to pieces; it's a great accent for perking up a bun or low ponytail before that inevitable grocery run in your grubs.)
- Finally - again utilizing the assistant - crop the "shirt" to your desired length. (The one in the picture reaches to just under the bust, but you can also cut an inverse curve up from under the arms to peak just below the neckline - this provides an enticing glimpse of sternum for you daring gals!)
